The following interview is with a man (spirit, angel, whatever you want to call him) who was crucial to the development of many movements throughout history. No, not tom fulp, the man or rather angel i speak of is death. yes death. he has been staring us all in the face at one point or other, though most people choose to ignore him and deny his presence he is here and will not be leaving anytime soon (he just renewed a 3 century contract with G-d) today he finally agreed to have a single interview granted he received a sacrifice of 20 virgins, instead we offered him 20 bucks.. he was just as happy.

Q: so... um death.. do you mind me calling you death?
A: umm it says right there my names larry, but you know what deaths fine. why don't you just call me what most people call me? a wife stealing a**hole? haha that was my nickname in college, what can i say? i got around... that was a lie i was really never good with the ladies, everytime i touched them they'd turn all cold and stop talking to me for some reason.

Q: ummm... don't you think that's accredited to the fact that you kill people by touching them?
A: HOLY CRAP! Beatrice did love me! just stopped talking to me because i killed her. what a relief!... wait a second

Q: what's the point of having a scythe if you could kill people by touching them? i mean do you ever even really use the damn thing?
A: oh this old thing? i originally got it at a yard sale back in the 1800s before industrialization when there was a lot of farming done. i just thought it looked cool. then a rumor started going around about it. some nonsense about harvesting souls. it seemed beneficial to my image at the time so i just kept it and never really went anywhere without it since then.

Q: do you have anything to say to anyone that cheated death?
A: ya actually i do. you guys got lucky but on wednesday at around 1 pm right after my lunch break i'll be getting around to you people, so don't worry i didn't forget you guys

Q: are elvis and two pac still alive?
A: i'm sorry i'm not authorized to release that information, *cough* yes *cough* *cough*

Q: how do you get to so many people so fast?
A: well a while ago i had to go through the hassle of getting everywhere by horse. i mean sure the horse was from hell, had demonic powers and went extremely fast but you cannot imagine how saddle soar i got. then i started going by airplane but you after 9/11 they wouldn't let me bring my scythe on board anymore. so instead i stole the blue pronts for ghostrider's bike and that's i'm using for now.

Q: what'd you do with the horse?
A: what horse? oh fluffy? i sent him back to hell. we still see eachother from time to time.

Q:fluffy?
A:o that's my horse's name... Beatrice named him right before... you know...

Q:how does it feel to be outranked by hitler as one of the most infamous people of all time?
A: it's funny you should mention that... ummm ya i decided i don't believe in the holocaust.

Q: but sir you were there, you were killing people by the millions. surely you don't honestly think that.
A: ya... i do

Q: oh i get it. isn't it true that during this holocaust that u deny so strongly that a man had nearly stolen you identity?
A: what do you mean?

Q: i mean that some had taken your title as the angel of death
A: propaganda! all lies! no one can replace me! it's not fair! one man kills for a few years and suddenly he takes my title?! i am and always will be larry! uh I mean the angel of death! i've been killing since before that mans great great grandparents were born! it's not fair, it's not fair.

Q: there, there, it's ok the bad man is dead now, want a kleanex?
A: thanks i'm good now, my tear duct dried up ages ago.

Q: would you like a moment?
A: no i think i'm ready for the next question

Q: here just hand over that.....
A: hello?... hello?... oh crap....

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